Just some thoughts

So something that I've noticed recently and have been thinking a lot about is peoples reactions to news that you are getting married.

When you hear someone is engaged or about to get married what is your first thought? 

Yay! Congratulations!

Right?  Usually this is the response that I have gotten in the last nine months since Dan proposed.  Family members and close friends are always thrilled but there are other people that have a very different reaction or a post script to their congrats.

I have probably heard about a dozen times from a handful of people some confusing reactions and it really perplexes me.  Actually, it makes me sad.

Here is what I mean...a woman at our church repeatedly comes up to me and the first thing she says is "so are you still planning on getting married?"  "Yes, of course." I reply.  "Well okay then." And she walks away.  One time I asked her why and she said something implying that marriage is really hard and men aren't helpful.

To be fair, this woman just got divorced.  Okay so I get it.  She had a bad experience and is hurt.  But why would you say that to me?
 
Also, several weeks ago I went out to dinner with a couple of people from work for a group birthday gathering.  When my wedding came up in conversation (someone else brought it up...I don't talk about it, ever, unless someone asks) the guy there said to me "well, you're not too young it could work out.  Just know, they won't be the same person in ten years."

What?!? Umm, okay.  I certainly hope I'm not the same person in ten years...what am I supposed to say to that?  And no other married people present at the conversation said anything.  

Yesterday, that same guy at work asked when the wedding date was.  I told him 12 days!  His response:  "well all I can say is good luck with that." 

Umm, thanks? 

Why would anyone, stranger or friend, say things like this? 

Dan and I have no illusions.  We know marriage is hard.  We have many friends who are married and we have seen relationships struggle and fall apart.  We know there will be dark times.  Really dark times.  Maybe we don't know what they will look like exactly but we'll have to learn together when we get there.  We know this.  Believe me I am not expecting sunny days forever.  But despite the hard parts of marriage and the fact that people change over time does that mean you don't love and you don't try? 

I don't think so and I hope other people haven't been so discouraged and confused by statements like the ones I've received that they call off their weddings.   That would be really sad.

Here's the weird part...when someone tells you they are pregnant would you ever consider saying "well good luck with those toddler years, the hellish teens, and don't forget about how expensive they are."  No.  Because having kids is a beautiful and joyful experience and you would never tell an expectant and hormonal person that the bean inside of them could be a holy terror. 


How is a bride-to-be and a mom-to-be that different?  Both are headed into something very hard and yet very beautiful.  Why would you put a rain cloud over something that hasn't even happened yet?

Those are my thoughts, thanks for listening.