Peeks from the Week

It's been a good week. Not because every day was perfect but because we had some really positive moments and I'm trying harder to really emphasize those more in my life so that when I look back on a week I don't immediately gravitate towards the negative.

Monday night was my last night of tap dance until after the baby. I decided to stop after 20 weeks because holy wow it's exhausting and I need a rest. Turned out, no one else showed-up for class so it ended up being a private lesson. My teacher did not go easy on me but I was proud that I kept up and improved some technique. My legs felt like you could pull them out like you can with a Barbie doll, but I finished on a high note.

Also on Monday I finally got a legitimate meeting with HR to discuss my unconventional maternity leave plan. It ended up being a good conversation and a huge relief to have that out of the way.

On Wednesday the sun came out. And while it's not quite my idea of spring warm, it's getting there and the flowers think so too.

Back in the fall, Dan and I graduated from weekly marital counseling to monthly check-ins. We got an A++ review from our counselor this month about how we are handling the pregnancy and life and it was really encouraging to hear that. We haven't even been trying that hard, just somehow found our grove and planning for the baby has really brought out some positive traits in us.

Last night we hosted our "Table" which is like a small group with new church friends but just fellowship, no study. We had 9 adults and 6 kids under the age of 10 in our apartment for a taco bar! It was chaos but instead of freaking out, I'm learning every day to let things go and it's becoming a lot easier. We had fun.

Our IKEA boxes were delivered and I got a box of maternity clothes in the mail from Dan's cousin. Happy mail for sure.

My friend won tickets to the NYC Baby Expo in May (I entered but didn't win) but she decided she didn't want to go so she passed her tickets to us! Initially I didn't think we could make it due to previous commitments but Dan worked some magic and we're going! Free swag here we come!

And I'm 60% sure I felt the baby move yesterday. It was so faint and I haven't felt it since but it really felt like a little wiggle and a kick. Fingers crossed!!!

And because I am who I am, and I don't want the universe to smite my good mood, here are some not so good things from this week. 1) I sliced open my finger chopping onions 2) I snapped at Dan for not running quickly enough to me after I sliced said finger 3) The dentist had to take 5 molds of my mouth for aligners, 3 more than necessary because I am a claustrophobic maniac and flipped out causing them to have to redo the mold. 4) It's cold and raining today. 

Happy Friday!!!

20 weeks update

Well, I hit 20 weeks on Friday. So this is half way! I have no idea how I got here or where I'm going but the world keeps turning and time keeps moving.

Before I got pregnant I would look at pregnant woman and be in awe of them because they just seemed to know what to do and I felt completely incapable and clueless about how to be pregnant. Sure, there is the whole issue of getting pregnant but then once you are, like how do you do it?

I remember having that same feeling about going to college, dating for the first time, and eventually the prospect of being a wife. There are no step-by-step guides and for an outside observer it just seems like people know what to do. Fortunately, like most major stages in life, things progress relatively slowly and you just do it, without realizing it. Completely clueless, it just happens. Your body takes over and just does it's own thing. Thank God.

I'm a planner and I like to know what's going to happen and when. I need to have information. But, oddly, with this pregnancy I've pretty much been the exact opposite. I feel like the more information I know the more stressed and overwhelmed I am so I'd rather just stay clueless. Ignorance is bliss. For the first trimester, this was my intentional strategy since I didn't want to attach too much or plan too far ahead in case we miscarried. Because I took that approach, I feel like I was pretty relaxed and just continued life like normal for those first three months (minus all the obvious pregnancy no-nos). And it worked out pretty well for the most part.

I figured once we got past 12 weeks, I would jump right in with my crazy planning and researching and all that, but I really couldn't. I felt petrified about making a registry and knowing what to put on it. I didn't want to buy any parenting books and then be completely lost about what "method" we would use for every single stage of the baby's life. We want to approach parenting with simplicity and there is just TOO MUCH information and TOO MANY opinions out there.

My body knows what it's doing, albeit unpredictable and uncomfortable at times, but I don't worry about it too much. It's my brain that's torn, one part urging me to get our stuff together and figure out what we are doing and what we need and the other part is so exhausted and stressed, rendering the productive part useless. It's all way too much to take-in along with maintaining your job and life and being a functioning member of society.

I've since made-up my mind to just block it all out. Trust my instincts and pretend like my brain naturally knows enough about raising a baby as my uterus does about growing one. I mean, people in the old days didn't have Google or anything to help them along so why should I need all the bells and whistles now? We are doing what we need to do and not worrying about all the extras, well, trying not to worry. The baby needs our love and attention (and food of course) and the rest we just turn over to God. Easier said than done.

My mom has been asking for a "bump" photo. This is SO NOT me because I feel so ugly right now and I'm hyper fixated on making sure the photos looks consistent. Too many things that I can't control. But here it is, 20 week bump photo. Looking quite big.

Newest symptom at 20 weeks: Round ligament pain. Well, at least that's what I think it is based on my Googling. Jabbing pain on one side of the groin. Lovely.

Things we've accomplished in the first 20 weeks:

- Found out the gender. See here.
- Registered for a birthing class (it's next week!! eek!)
- Schedule a tour of the hospital (seems early, I know, but there were hardly any dates available so I jumped on one)
- Start purging junk and getting things organized in the spare room to transform it into baby's room
- Ordered, and received, my free (well, greatly discounted) breast pump via my insurance
- Gone to all scheduled doctor appointments and scheduled others through June
- Squeezed our monthly budget to cut it by $1,000 in preparation for potential less income when baby comes (and to eliminate my impulse shopping habit)
- Researched area day cares and determined we cannot afford them
- Discussed ideal alternative child care options (more news soon)
- Schedule our last "vacation" or babymoon  

Things we have yet to accomplish:

- Come up with three solid baby name options
- Make a significant dent in the registry (why am I so terrified of this? I loved the wedding registry)
- Figure out how we will baby proof our living room
- Feel the baby move. I'm really wanting this desperately. I feel like it's so late and I should feel it by now. My doctor did NOT inform me but I read on my anatomy ultrasound report that I have an anterior placenta. According to my Google diagnosis, that means I will be more difficult to feel the baby since the placenta is in the way, at least that's how I'm reassuring myself.  
- Pin down my maternity leave plans with HR and my department (this is by FAR the most frustrating part of the pregnancy so far). I made some significant and positive progress with this on Monday so that was a big relief. Still more to do
- Arrange for a pediatrician??? Apparently you're supposed to do this around this time? Seems so weird to me. 

20 down, 20 to go!!

Show and Tell Tuesday: Top Five

Today I'm linking-up with Andrea for Show and Tell Tuesday. Today's prompt is Top Five Pictures.

Since our baby is still in utero and we don't have any cute kid photos yet, it was pretty easy to narrow down my favorite five photos so far.

I'm doing my in date order as opposed to first to last

The first three photos I picked are just snapshots. I love professional photos with perfect lighting and perfect poses. But, life is not a professional photograph and so many of my favorites are just candid shots that capture a moment in time. When I look at them now they represent a whole season of emotion and memory.

I took this photo in July 2010, I had known Dan for approximately 6 months and I was already madly attracted to him. We were in the same small group and we all went rock climbing at a place in Brooklyn. Then we surprised Dan with a massive strawberry cheesecake from Junior's famous for his birthday. It was my idea, I bought the cake, I planned the whole event. I thought I was being obvious, and it probably was obvious to everyone except Dan. It would take more than two years from this photograph before Dan realized he was attracted to me too. But I love this photo because he is looking right at me taking the photo and, at that time, eye contact with him was gold. Still gives me heart flutters to think about those crazy crush days.

This next photo is blurry and not great quality at all, but life's best moments are sometimes blurry and of poor quality. I love this photo because for me it represents our dating days when we were trying to figure out how to be more than friends and be comfortable around each other. I remember on one of our first dates I asked Dan what were his "deal breakers." He said something to the effect of "unnecessary silliness." In that moment I was like, well...this might not work because I think the ability to be silly and carefree is essential in life. Turned out, Dan was referring to silliness in a work environment. We had a long way to go with learning about communication and clarity from that conversation. Truthfully, Dan loves silliness in the right context and man do we have a lot of silliness  in our relationship. He's going to be a really fun dad. 

My mom took this photograph in the fall of 2013, just weeks before Dan proposed to me. It reminds me of that time when we were still so young and unaware and just caught up in that budding romance and about to start a new chapter in our relationship. I have this photo on my desk at work and I love seeing those young faces every day.

This photograph is the opposite of the real candid life, it's my favorite photo from our wedding. For me, it's everything a professional wedding photograph should be. It captures the magic and romantic fairy tale feeling that is perfectly "wedding" but so completely opposite of "marriage." Also, I never feel like I'm dainty enough to be dipped, but in that moment it was effortless.

And while it's not the best photo by any means, it's the cutest one we've got so far so it's definitely in my top five.

Weekending it

This weekend God decided to give me a lesson in extreme patience and preparation for having nearly everything not go according to plan. It was an exhausting exercise but I was aware the whole time that in reality, I only ever have perceived control in the first place.

Friday night I got home from work and Dan had already painted the accent wall in the baby's room. Yay Dan!

 He watched March Madness the rest of the night while I organized and started purging items from the front closet. Ta Da!!

I figured after a full day of work and then busy work at night that I would pass out. Wrong. It was the worst night of sleep I've had in recent memory. Again, preparation for a new normal, I presume. I just could not get comfortable so I ended up just dozing on the couch all night.

Our original plan for Saturday was to get up and around by 8 am so that we could get to IKEA when it opened at 10 am. Well, we didn't get out the door until 10 am. We waited in line at the bank for an unreasonable amount of time just to break a bill to get donuts. Priorities. The trains were in our favor in the morning and we got to IKEA by 11 am (opting for the city bus over the IKEA shuttle).

Surprisingly, IKEA was not crowded so we zipped through the store in no time. We were mainly there for a dresser for the baby's room and a shelf for our room. We don't have a car and decided to just get it delivered since I'm not helpful with lifting heavy things anymore. Something with delivery changed since the last time we'd been there and there wasn't same-day delivery so we have to wait until Thursday. That squashed my "rest of the weekend" plans. We also had to put back a lot of the smaller stuff we had picked-up since delivery won't accept things like lamps. We bought what the two of us could carry and went outside to wait for the IKEA shuttle to take us back to the subway.

30 MINUTES LATER the shuttle arrived (usually it's no more than 10 minutes) and I was annoyed that we didn't just pay a car service to take us and then we could have at least gotten those other items we weren't able to carry. Ugh, austerity.

It wasn't until we got into the subway station that we realized the local trains were not running south and we had to take a subway going the opposite direction in order to transfer to an express train that would get us to our area. Rookie error, always check the weekend subway schedule. Four different trains later, we got back to Bay Ridge. Had we taken car service, it would have saved us a good hour and a half.

It was 1:45 by the time we got home and I was tired and hangry beyond belief. This was practice for Dan in dealing with an adult-sized toddler. We had a gift card so we decided to treat ourselves to pizza for lunch/dinner. At that time in the afternoon we figured it would be quick.

2 HOURS LATER the pizza was finally delivered after Dan made multiple calls, was put on hold multiple times, lied to about our delivery time, and our order was canceled and resubmitted.

We spent the rest of the night watching basketball and then I decided to have Dan paint an accent wall in our room with the leftover paint. Since the room smelled and our bed was covered in junk, we had a sleepover in the living room that night.

There are so many things about Saturday I would have changed if I had knowledge about how events unfolded. Things that would have saved us money and time. But that's life. It's gotta kick you down every now and again.

Sunday we got to church extra early since Dan was on the welcome team. I thought I was being proactive and went to Trader Joe's before church. It was just as crowded at 9 am as it is as 2 pm. Lesson learned. We went to lunch with new friends after church and then took a cue from Saturday and got an Uber ride home. Was it a good use of money? No. Was it important for my sanity? Yes. Since we saved time we were able to take a quick nap before jumping into chores.

We picked-up the spare room, started massive piles of things being purged, and put our room back together. I whipped together a pathetic dinner and Dan did the laundry. Rather than going to the store and getting our list for the week, we decided we could scrounge for the next day or two and play a game and relax together for the rest of the night.

And now it's Monday again and a full week ahead. I wish I had the energy I used to. Does it come back after the pregnancy or is this how I'll feel for the duration of parenthood? I'm hoping if the weather turns warm soon and I see the sun more regularly I'll get my pep back for awhile.

The Journey Here, Part I

I mentioned awhile back that I wanted to share a bit about our journey to pregnancy. Here it is, finally posting Part I.
 
Disclaimer: If you don't like hearing about intimate female stuff...skip this post. Also, it's long.
 
I really want to be pretty transparent on this blog, honest and real. The purpose of this blog from the beginning was to share our lives with our family. It's also to document our lives for our own sake so we can look back and reminisce and share details we would have otherwise forgotten. If that's the purpose of our blog then I'd hope we'd share the real us.

We all accept and acknowledge that no one has a perfect life, yet social media and the blog world allow us to present only the best side of us. Our perfectly edited photos and our life void of all the messy details. I'll admit, I often leave out some of the details of our life here in order to protect others and to focus on the good parts of life. But sometimes, I hate that. What we choose to share about the unsavory, unhappy, and even ugly parts of life is the real us, the interesting parts of who we are and how our past shaped us into the person you see today. So this post is a small effort to share some of my ugly - parts of my history that are personal but still valuable and those parts play a huge role in where Dan and I are today: facing parenthood and a whole new world ahead with a child.

Most people when they post about their pregnancy it's the gorgeous baby bumps and highlights of the nursery. I love those posts, and I plan to do those too. But I also find a lot value in the posts where women talk about their struggles to get pregnant or what to took to get where they are today. Most are vague and simply say things like "we struggled with infertility" or "intimacy was hard for us" but that's it. I get it, it's personal and sacred and if you aren't comfortable sharing, then don't. But for me, I craved to find some brave woman who was willing to share the difficult part of the process so at least I wouldn't feel so alone in mine.

So, I'm going to try and be at least one small brave woman. Share more than just "intimacy was hard" and be more vulnerable. Perhaps some other woman will stumble on this post while she searches the internet for answers to her own problems and concerns and she can take comfort in knowing she's not alone. My story is long and moderately crazy, so I'm going to split this post into two parts. Part I is my mysterious reproductive system before marriage and Part II will cover my wild history post-wedding.

To begin, ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a mom. That has pretty much been my primary goal in life. Everything along the way was to hold me over until I could be a mom. As a kid, teenager, and even young adult it never occurred to me that being a mother might not be possible or that it could be difficult. I'm a firm believer that if God puts a strong desire in your heart it's not a cruel joke. It will all work out in time. That was my mindset as an adolescent, and this was how my journey began. 

I started menstruating at the age of 16. Late bloomer. By the age of 19 I had stopped menstruating, for over a year. It was unexplained besides stress related when I started college. The doctor I saw near campus tried to "reset" with hormones but that didn't work and eventually she put me on birth control for a few months. People have opinions about birth control but I'll just say one thing, they aren't used exclusively as contraception. I was on birth control for several months and then I stopped because I was lazy. Truly, that was the reason. And I didn't really care if I didn't get my period. At the time, it was just an inconvenience.

During the end of my freshman year of college through my junior year, I dealt with my anxiety and stress through systematic food restriction and over exercising. That's a whole other story for another day, but ultimately it wasn't about food or weight. It was about control. Anyways, eating disorders are known to cause reproductive issues and when you are severely underweight you don't menstruate. So there was another year, thereabout, with no period. When I started seeing a therapist to work through the food issues I went back on birth control (who knows how many different types) it took awhile to find the one that worked best for me. It was at this point in my life, as I was processing the eating issues, that I realized the choices I had made could likely have long term consequences, including my chances of being able to carry a child.

By the time I was a senior in college I was doing much better emotionally. I separated myself from the people who had triggered the eating issues, I was speaking regularly with a counselor, I was on  birth control and anti-anxiety medication. I was making plans and making progress. I felt good.

When I moved to New York in 2009 I was still taking birth control and I did so for a few years longer. One day I just decided to stop taking the pills and see if my body would regulate and menstruate normally. I was at a normal weight and I was living a much healthier lifestyle. The first time I menstruated naturally in over 5 years was huge. I was so happy, and so was my mom. Once I was menstruating normally again I figured everything was fine and babies were still possible. 

Around the same time I started having random pain in my pelvic area. Most of the time I passed it off as constipation and used heating pads and muscle pain patches to get through the worst days. I vaguely recall having a similar pain in high school, but not as severe or as frequent. I tried tracking my food to see if it was maybe an allergy, I saw a GI doctor who said it was just irritable bowel, and I kept a log of how frequently it happened. In the spring of 2014 it was getting really bad and some days it was excruciating to stand-up for long periods of time. Eventually my OBGYN did an ultrasound and told me I had a large, likely 3-4 inches in size (they said 8 cm), cyst on my right ovary. She also mentioned that I might not be fertile, and needed to have surgery immediately. Yeah, that was a heavy conversation. Then she sent me to get blood work and I sat there as the nurse, not so discretely, labeled my blood work for the CA-125 test, the test they do to check for ovarian cancer. That test came back negative, but it was still a traumatic experience.

At this time, Dan and I were planning our wedding. And I convinced myself we wouldn't be able to have children. It was a really emotional time for both of us. I felt like damaged goods and Dan was already stuck with me. But he was incredibly supportive and positive. I spoke to a woman at our church who had dealt with infertility and she was convinced her issues were caused by the birth control she used and all I could think about was how many years I had been on birth control and how many different types I had used. Was it the birth control? Was it my missed periods? Was it the eating disorder? So many questions and no answers. I found nothing comforting in my internet searches.

I kept going to the OBGYN and she kept sending me to get ultrasounds at different places. On the ultrasound you could see this massive black blob but no one told me what it was, the techs just took measurements. I was still a virgin at this time and I remember one of the techs refused to do the internal ultrasound (with a wand) because she "didn't want to be my first." What does that even mean!!!! I was so confused because I was like, lady do you know what sex is? But then I was like, wait, do I know what sex is? It was all very bizarre. Anyways, my doctor eventually sent me to a different doctor who had much more experience and I remember as he did the ultrasound he muttered something to the nurse about it might be a problem with the Fallopian tube. He too, couldn't figure it out so I was sent for an MRI. I got about 6 different ultrasounds in the matter of a month and, to me, no one seemed confident that the diagnosis was a massive cyst that needed to be removed immediately. I didn't want to undergo surgery on my ovary if people weren't certain.

I did a bunch of Google searches and decided I must have endometriosis since all the symptoms sounded like what I was experiencing. That condition is known to cause fertility issues. I decided to get a second opinion and find a specialist who might know more and tell me if surgery was really necessary. I got my MRI results sent to this new doctor and I went to meet with her for the first time. This doctor was a gift from God and truly the nicest most caring and sensitive doctor I have ever had. She made me feel like every question was important and that my fertility was not doomed. She looked at my MRI, did several ultrasounds on her own and agreed with me that it was likely endometriosis with at least one small cyst. The bigger issue was my right Fallopian tube appeared to be damaged and that surgery was necessary to remove it since it was likely the source of the pain I had been experiencing. I trusted her and I felt like she cared about me so I pursued the surgery with her as the surgeon.

Just shy of one month before our wedding, I had the surgery. My right tube was quadruple the normal size as it was filled with blood and other liquid. It was effectively dead and therefore removed. Normally you cannot see the tube on an ultrasound which is why my first doctor assumed it was a large cyst.  I had some endometriosis spots but not enough for that diagnosis. I also had a simple but small cyst on my right ovary which she did not remove because she didn't want to do anything to damage the ovary or the eggs. My doctor ran pathology on the tube which proved useless. To this day she has no idea what caused my tube to become so damaged. I was never sexually active nor abused (and believe me I racked my brain) and therefore had no STI. Her best guess is I had some other kind infection (like e.coli) that settled in my pelvic area and went untreated. We'll probably never know the cause.

So while the surgery was a success, I didn't really have any answers but my doctor assured me that she didn't see any reason why fertility would be an issue, I still had two fully functioning ovaries. Despite her reassurances, I had already conditioned my brain to expect that we would not be able to get pregnant naturally. Nevertheless, Dan and I waltzed into marital bliss. 

Part II, to be continued...

Gender Reveal

Hey today's the day! Gender reveal!!

Remember a couple of weeks ago when I did a little prediction with all the Old Wives Tales? Well, everything was pulling really strong for a girl and I was glad about that.

Last week on Thursday Dan came into the city to meet me at the hospital for our anatomy ultrasound and follow-up testing. I was in a bad mood going into the office because my emotions were running high from events earlier in the week (and I hadn't had lunch yet). The technician was really nice and used warm gel on my belly instead of cold (never had that before) and she was super sweet. Initially, she was just taking various measurements of the fetus and identifying various organs and not saying anything. Then all of the sudden she said, "it's a boy!" And Dan and I were both like "it's a boy?" And she said "yep, there it is, he's not shy" and pointed out his tiny little manhood.

Instant shock.

I wanted so much to be happy but I had it set in my mind that it was a girl and in that moment it was like I had a little girl inside of me and then suddenly she was gone and replaced with a boy. I know that's insane but that is what my brain was processing. I have no one to blame but myself for that shock. I shouldn't have set my mind so firmly, I know better.

The shock mixed with my already high emotions and it took everything in me not to burst into tears on the table. I held it together but I can't lie, I was slightly heartbroken. I know it's terrible to say and I regret my feelings now but truly, my whole life I've envisioned having a girl and I felt like there was no way I would know what to do with a boy. I tried really hard to focus on love and not wanting the baby to sense my disappointment in any way. I thought of boy names and tried to think of fun things I'll get to do with a boy but you know what it's like when you are trying to hold back tears? It's really hard.

The rest of the ultrasound was overwhelming because the technician had to bring in the doctor to look at a cyst that I have on my right ovary. Apparently it's growing and that's an issue. So, let's add some stress about that! Anyways, I was numb and tried by the time we left (we were there for over an hour) and I just wanted to go home and cry but had to go back to work instead. Ugh.

Now that I've had several days to adjust to the news, I'm excited. It wasn't that I didn't want a boy it's that was comfortable with a girl and just feeling lost with a boy. Since then, I've thought about so many wonderful things about little boys and so many woman have told me how special a bond is between a boy and his mom, and I'm excited about that. I'm looking forward to snuggling this little guy and if he is anything like Dan he will be the sweetest little blue-eyed blonde boy in the world and I love him so much already.

On Saturday we purchased our first item for the baby, his first buddy, a sweet little elephant that I named BB, for baby boy. I took a snugly nap so that BB will smell like me and be a comfort friend for the baby when he arrives.

Weekending it

Happy Spring?

It's warmer here today than it has been in a good week but it's not the kind of spring welcome I was looking for since we still have snow on the ground. At least Spring is still something to look forward to? I'm trying to be positive.

This weekend we went to a friend's house on Friday night and had St. Patrick's Day corned beef and  cabbage for dinner and played Taboo with them. Good laughs.

On Saturday morning we headed into the city to check out a posh daycare near my office. We mainly went because it was an open house for a brand new location and if you went you could enter to win an Uppababy G-luxe stroller. So, um, no shame I went for that. But, we also wanted to know how the "other half lives" and what child care options are available for the upper class. Oh man, this place was SO nice and not as expensive as we thought it would be. I fell in love, mainly because it was brand new and close to my office. I'll just share one picture because I'm not sure I was even supposed to take pictures.

We discussed at length the benefits of using this daycare and we were pretty well set on it until later in the day when I really took a hard look at the price. Yeah, we can't afford to pay rent twice which is what this would be. But, fingers crossed that we win the stroller.

Afterwards we walked to Chinatown to meet our friends for lunch. They moved to Pittsburgh over a year ago and they were in the city for the day and we managed to meet-up with them last minute at their favorite place known for its soup dumplings.

That afternoon we lounged at home and Dan watched March Madness games. Villanova lost which means my bracket is toast since I had them winning the whole thing. Not that I care or anything.

Sunday we accidentally slept-in until 10 am which is unheard of and we had to skip church since we needed to catch a subway by 10:15 in order to get there on time. This has pretty much never happened since we've almost always had church commitments to maintain but it was really nice to wake up and not feel guilty about missing. We did family church instead which is where Dan reads a passage and we discuss it together and he shares with me some of his extra Bible knowledge.

In the afternoon we went one neighborhood over to a recently converted industrial park where they have opened a Buy Buy Baby and a Bed Bath and Beyond. We just browsed around and looked at strollers and rockers and then we shared a burger and fries for lunch.

It's a pretty open week ahead and I'm always grateful for no-commitment weeks. Come back tomorrow for our gender reveal!

Peeks from the Week

Well, this week was not my favorite. Stress and hormones are mixing together in epic proportions for lots of lovely emotions.

Monday and Tuesday were good. I did, in fact, end up getting a snow day on Tuesday which was thrilling. Dan and I stayed up until 1 am on Monday night finishing our puzzle while snacking on our favorite stove-top popcorn.

We got to sleep-in on Tuesday and although Dan had to work for home, it was still fun to laze around on a weekday together.

The snow wasn't as bad as they predicted but there was freezing rain on top of the snow so everything is pretty sloppy outside and will remain that way until the temperatures get warm enough to significantly melt things. This is what most of the sidewalks still look like:

Lovely.

On Wednesday we got up at 5 am to get into the city for my 7:30 am OB appointment. Somehow we managed to get there 30 minutes before the office even opened. Although I was the first appointment of the day, my Dr. remained relatively unpleasant. It's hard because I feel like I don't particularly like her but we can't switch now and bottom line is she is capable and competent which is enough I suppose? She just makes me feel really stupid for asking relevant questions. And, it's not like I'm asking stupid questions. Dan agrees, she doesn't have great bedside manner.

Anyways, the appointment went fine and all seems well. I still haven't felt the baby moving yet although it's possible I have and just assumed it was gas bubbles or something else.

Dan and I got to share breakfast together after the appointment before we headed to work. Later that day, with my confidence already bruised, I had a meeting with HR to finally talk to someone about maternity leave. You cannot imagine the unexplained difficulty I had getting that arranged. I left that meeting with more questions than answers and more discouraged than ever. So I had a good cry in the ladies restroom and carried on with the rest of the day.

On Thursday we had our special anatomy ultrasound at the hospital. I'll do a tiny reveal on Tuesday. All our family knows but I wanted to do a little recap of the experience next week.

I accidentally threw my expensive Invisilign retainers away after lunch yesterday and didn't notice until it was too late. So yeah, that was a high point. We did have a pleasant gathering of new friends over last night for our Table with church. It was a bit crammed in our apartment with 7 adults, a 2 year old, and a newborn but we had fun.

And today it's Friday, finally. I just really need the spring weather to return and bring with it a more sunny disposition.

The Best of Bay Ridge: Places - Pier & Promenade

Continuing our tour of fun places in Bay Ridge, today I'm sharing about the pier and promenade!

Just a quick minute from the Narrows Botanic Garden and Owl's Head Park is the 69th Street Pier (officially, Veteran's Memorial Pier).

It's a simple pier, nothing fancy just some benches and picnic tables. There is a small sculpture memorial for 9/11 in the center as well. On any given day, rain or shine, you can find fishermen set-up along the pier railings, people relaxing on the benches, kids running around or on bikes and scooters. It's a busy and beautiful place.

In the summer, an ice cream truck sets-up shop right by the pier (it's questionable, as most ice cream trucks are) and there is a kayak launch (never seen anyone actually use it). I've even heard chatter about ferry service resuming to the pier this year?!?

The appeal of the pier is definitely the fantastic views of the New York Bay, Lower Manhattan, Staten Island, and the Verrazano Bridge.

Connected to the pier is a beautiful promenade that runs along the water from the pier all the way down to the bridge and then continues all the way to Caesar's Bay. The pathway is called a lot of different things, Bay Ridge Promenade, Belt Parkway Promenade, Shore Road Promenade, whatever. It's a basic pathway along the water and is great for running, biking, or or any kind of recreation.

When I first moved here (and was motivated and had cartilage in my knees) I would run along the promenade nearly every morning. It was so peaceful and comforting. The routine of that run and the familiar views and faces really helped me to feel like Brooklyn was home.

Now, Dan and I like to take walks along the promenade in the summer and we love taking our bikes over there as well. It isn't a fancy promenade, it doesn't have lush trees or beautiful landscaping like some of the other promenades in the city, but that's okay. Basic is Bay Ridge.

There are footbridges that connect the Promenade to Shore Road over the Belt Parkway and many places to sit and admire the views. Sunset is our favorite.

Weekeding it

Well, we are bracing for a blizzard expected to arrive in early hours of tomorrow morning. I am currently crossing all fingers and toes and praying to God that we get a snow day. The last storm we had they did not close the office so I trekked into work and immediately regretted it. Schools are closed, that should be the precedent.

Anyways, in addition to the approaching storm we've returned to winter temperatures here. How can I possibly be expected to be productive on the weekend when it's 17 degrees outside??? I'm already lacking energy from the baby inside and then when it's brutally cold the only reasonable thing to do is stay in bed, right?

Well, on Saturday Dan and I got up early and headed into the city for a site visit for a leadership program we are in. The site was in Washington Heights which is close to 2 hours away from us via subway so that meant we had to leave our place at 7:30 am. After the site visit we decided to take a detour on the way home and get donuts. I've been craving a maple frosted donut but nothing around us has maple frosted (what's with that?? is it only a Midwestern thing?). So we went to Penn Station hoping the Krispy Kreme would have one. They didn't but I was perfectly satisfied with the chocolate frosted. And yes, we got 6 donuts for 2 people.

When we finally got home we literally laid in bed and watch The Great British Bake-Off for the rest of the day, I was only moderately ashamed.

On Sunday we had church and grocery shopping and we did manage to accomplish a few chores and I cooked a new-to-us recipe for dinner called Polka Dot Lasagna skillet which was quick and yummy.

Then we spent the rest of the night working on a puzzle my mom sent us (my sisters did it at Christmas so she was just passing it along). We think it's about half-way done after 3 solid hours puzzling. I'm excited to finish it.

Peeks from the Week

Man, this week was nuts!! So busy every single day and I felt like it should be Friday on Wednesday. But finally, it's Friday.

I'm becoming more and more aware that I simply cannot move as quickly as normal. I am a speedy walker normally and I weave in and out of others on the sidewalk. Now I feel like I'm dragging myself around and when I walk with Dan I struggle to keep up. Stairs are also exhausting. I also have to slow down when I'm talking too because I feel like I'm panting.

I have approximately one photo on my phone from this week.

At work on Tuesday, my department got a free tour of the new core exhibition at the Museum of the City of New York. It was great. Definitely worth a return trip with Dan.

Tuesday was a my longest day, I ended up taking 6 different subways trains throughout the day, had 5 different meetings, and didn't get home until 9 pm. Phew. Fortunately, Dan had dinner ready and on the table when I walked in the door. What a gentleman.

Thursday was bright and beautiful and today it was snowing all morning. This weather, it's really hard to dress appropriately every day. This weekend isn't likely to be terribly relaxing but we'll make do.

Happy weekend!

The Best of Bay Ridge: Places - Narrows Botanic Garden

Last week I shared about our favorite park in Bay Ridge. Today, I'm sharing our second favorite, a little quaint hideaway you might not expect in the middle of Brooklyn.

Our second favorite place to have a picnic or catch some sunnies in the neighborhood is Narrows Botanic Garden, off of Bay Ridge Avenue and Shore Road. The garden is a small volunteer run oasis in the neighborhood with a turtle pond, rose garden, vegetable garden, open lawn and lots of beautiful landscaping.

It's a small park by comparison to others but it doesn't have a playground or recreational sports areas so it is typically quiet and a perfect place to stroll and enjoy the sunshine. The turtle pond and vegetable garden are not accessible to the public but Dan and I have volunteered there a few times to help rake leaves or pull weeds so we got a behind-the-scenes tour one time.

I took the photographs above this past fall but here is a glimpse of the garden treats in the spring.

In the summer they host movies on the lawn after sunset (which we love) and throughout the year they host festivals to help raise money for the maintenance of the garden. It's just a really cute place and run by some really nice people.

Gender Guessing: Old Wives Tales

I've seen a couple of people do gender guessing posts and I thought it would be fun to do one too. While I will be thrilled with either a boy or a girl, I am definitely hoping for a girl. The accessories are just TOO much to resist. Dan is hoping for a boy.

We have our anatomy ultrasound in a couple of weeks but in the meantime it's still a guessing game so let's have fun! I pulled together a list of Old Wives Tales (thank you Google) and we'll keep a tally to reveal at the end.

1. Cravings. People say if you crave salty food or protein like meat and cheese, it's a boy. Sweet cravings mean girl.

While I'm still interested in sweets (like chocolate milk), I've definitely craved more savory things like tortilla chips with salsa and sour cream. Tons of dairy, and lots of meat. Result: Boy

2. Mayan Tale. This tale says that if you add the mother's age at conception with the year of conception and the number is even then it's a girl, if it's odd it's a boy.

30 + 2016 = 2046. Even. Result: Girl

3. Left eye skin. When you pull down the lower lid of your left eye and see a "V" shape in the veins that means it's a girl. No "V" means it's a boy.

It took me a bit to figure out what this meant but when I pull down the eyelids, there is pretty much nothing visible in the right eye but tons of veins and "branches" in the left eye, including two that appear to form a "V." Result: Girl. 

4. Acne. If you have really bad acne it means it's a girl. If you have mostly clear skin it's a boy.

Holy wow. I have NEVER had worse acne in my life. It's probably my worst symptom. I'm still hoping it will fade or get less intense the farther along I get but so far, no end in sight. Result: Girl.

5. Shape of the mom's face. If you gain weight in your face and it becomes rounder it means you're having a girl. If you face is long and narrow, it's a boy.

My face is already more round (well actually square) but I haven't really gained weight in my face. Result: Inconclusive. 

6. Ring Test. Loop your wedding ring through a piece of string and hold it over your pregnant belly. If the ring swings back and forth, it's a girl. If it swings in a circle it's a boy.

We tried this with my ring and then with Dan's ring. We also each took a turn holding the ring over my belly. All four tries, the ring would swing back and forth. Result: Girl 

7. Shape of belly. If you carry high with a big round belly it's a girl. If you carry low with a smaller belly, it's a boy.

My belly is pretty high and round. I saw a picture of a maternity model on Old Navy and her bump was SO low. So I guess that's the big difference. Result: Girl. Also, a lot of people have told me if your bump is more spread out at opposed to really "popping" out, it's a girl. I have a pretty Santa belly so to me that says girl. 

8. Heart rate. If the baby's heart rate is below 140 bpm it's a boy. If it's over 140 bpm, it's a girl.

Every time we've heard the heart beat it's been above 140 bpm. In the 170s to be exact. I though that was alarming at first because that is not normal for an adult but the doctor said it was fine. Result: Girl. 

9. Baby Names. If you can only think of a specific name for one gender but can't come up with anything for the other gender, you're having the gender of name you know.

Dan and I had a girl name picked out in 2014. We can come up with nothing for boy names. I've tried and nothing is sticking. Result: Girl. 

10. Headaches. If you have frequent headaches you're having a boy.

I've only really had one headache and it lasted a miserable week. Once I started really increasing my water intake it went away. Result: Girl. 

11. Nose. If your nose is getting wider as the pregnancy progresses, it's a boy.

My nose has stayed the same, thank goodness. Result: Girl. 

12. Legs. If the hair on your legs is growing much faster than usual and your legs have gotten bigger, it's a boy. If your legs stay lean and hair growth is normal, it's a girl.

A little hard to tell because I shave my legs every day but my legs haven't gotten bigger and they are still smooth by the end of the day so I'd say normal hair growth. Result: Girl

13. Feet. If you feet are always cold you're having a boy. If they have stayed the same since before your pregnancy, you're having a girl.

Generally my feet are freezing in the winter, I typically have to wear two pairs of socks between November and March. This year they have felt just right. So this one is hard to tell. Result: Inconclusive

14. Morning Sickness. If you had no morning sickness, it's a boy. If you were sick or felt sick, it's a girl.

Thankfully, I had no morning sickness. A gift from God. Result: Boy. But this one seems really arbitrary since I've known plenty of women who were sick and had boys.

15. What do you think? Apparently, 71% of the time the mom knows what she is having.

This is a major bias but I want a girl so badly that I've convinced myself it's a girl. We'll see. Result: Girl. 

16. "Ladies" test. If your left lady is larger than your right lady, it's a girl. If the right is larger, it's a boy. Okay so apparently I have to clarify what this means since my mother asked me. "Ladies" refer to the milk producing features on the female chest. I didn't want to use the real word so as not to attract weirdo web spammers.

Well, my left lady has always been a tiny more well endowed than my right lady ever since I had any ladies to talk about. Since the size difference isn't unusual for me I don't think I can count it. Result: Inconclusive. 

17. Dad's weight. If the Dad gains sympathy weight it means it's a girl. If he doesn't gain weight, it's a boy.

This is hard to tell. It's winter hibernation season so Dan naturally gains a tiny bit this time of year and all the sour cream I've been serving hasn't helped. Result: Girl.

18. Side sleeping. If you are most comfortable sleeping on your left side, it's a boy. If you prefer your right side, it's a girl.

Currently I'm only comfortable sleeping on my back which apparently I'm not allowed to do starting at 20 weeks. Previously I always slept on my right side and that is still more comfortable than my left side. Result: Girl.

19. Toddlers. If a toddler shows interest in a pregnant woman, you are carrying the opposite sex of the toddler.

We hung out with a little boy (one year old) a few weeks ago and he wanted nothing to do with me except to get as far away as possible. Result: Boy. This past weekend we hung out with E and K. K is 3 year old girl and she was definitely interested in sticking by my side. Result: still boy.

20. Mom's beauty. If you feel like you are losing your beauty and your hair is dull and lifeless, you're having a girl. Because she is "stealing" your beauty. If you've never looked better and your hair is shiny and healthy, you're having a boy.

Sadly, I've never felt more ugly or self-conscious and that's saying something since I've never seen myself as particularly attractive. Acne is impossible to help or hide when you aren't allowed to put pretty much anything on your face. Also, my hair looks like a drowned rat. Result: Girl, she better be gorgeous.

Total results:
Girl - 14
Boy - 3
Inconclusive - 3

Well, I'd say the Old Wives Tales are predicting a girl by a pretty big landslide. Can't wait to find out!!!

Weekending it

Winter weather has returned with a vengeance and although we haven't had any snow, 14 degree days are bad enough. Oh how I long for "real" spring. I don't feel like we did much of anything this week but we still managed to be completely exhausted by the end of both days.

On Saturday we took our two little friends E and K to Bounce U. I accidentally discovered one of these popular bounce places near us when I was trolling around google maps. I thought they were only in the suburbs! It was close-by and they had reasonable prices so we decided to take the kids there rather than try to keep them entertained at our apartment. They had a total BLAST and were sad to leave at the end of our hour session. I took a ton of pictures but they were both moving so fast it was hard to get anything that wasn't blurry.

We grabbed pizza afterwards and indulged their wishes to play at the nearby park despite the freezing temperatures. By the time we brought them home and walked back to our place we were exhausted. I feel like the cold weather drains my energy even more than this baby. We lounged the rest of the day watching movies.

Later that night I started the overwhelming process of researching nursery essentials. So.many.things. And Dan caulked the huge crack in our wall that I suddenly became intolerant of seeing and tried of worrying about what creepy crawlers could come in through it. Oh the things Dan does for me at 10 o'clock at night...

Sunday morning we got up a little earlier than our new normal, to get to church for our monthly serving teams. Dan did set-up and welcome and I'm on the brunch team. I got to help make the apple strudel pancakes and wash dishes afterwards. I'm really liking the team I'm on because there is lots of time to chat and get to know people and we both feel good about the connections we've made so far. It was a huge relief for us to be able to plug into a new church community so quickly since it's always been such a big part of our relationship. 

Sunday afternoon disappeared much the same way as Saturday. Waiting for the return of the warm sunny weather and with it the motivation and energy to be productive.

Happy Monday.