Remember a couple of weeks ago when I did a little prediction with all the Old Wives Tales? Well, everything was pulling really strong for a girl and I was glad about that.
Last week on Thursday Dan came into the city to meet me at the hospital for our anatomy ultrasound and follow-up testing. I was in a bad mood going into the office because my emotions were running high from events earlier in the week (and I hadn't had lunch yet). The technician was really nice and used warm gel on my belly instead of cold (never had that before) and she was super sweet. Initially, she was just taking various measurements of the fetus and identifying various organs and not saying anything. Then all of the sudden she said, "it's a boy!" And Dan and I were both like "it's a boy?" And she said "yep, there it is, he's not shy" and pointed out his tiny little manhood.
Instant shock.
I wanted so much to be happy but I had it set in my mind that it was a girl and in that moment it was like I had a little girl inside of me and then suddenly she was gone and replaced with a boy. I know that's insane but that is what my brain was processing. I have no one to blame but myself for that shock. I shouldn't have set my mind so firmly, I know better.
The shock mixed with my already high emotions and it took everything in me not to burst into tears on the table. I held it together but I can't lie, I was slightly heartbroken. I know it's terrible to say and I regret my feelings now but truly, my whole life I've envisioned having a girl and I felt like there was no way I would know what to do with a boy. I tried really hard to focus on love and not wanting the baby to sense my disappointment in any way. I thought of boy names and tried to think of fun things I'll get to do with a boy but you know what it's like when you are trying to hold back tears? It's really hard.
The rest of the ultrasound was overwhelming because the technician had to bring in the doctor to look at a cyst that I have on my right ovary. Apparently it's growing and that's an issue. So, let's add some stress about that! Anyways, I was numb and tried by the time we left (we were there for over an hour) and I just wanted to go home and cry but had to go back to work instead. Ugh.
Now that I've had several days to adjust to the news, I'm excited. It wasn't that I didn't want a boy it's that was comfortable with a girl and just feeling lost with a boy. Since then, I've thought about so many wonderful things about little boys and so many woman have told me how special a bond is between a boy and his mom, and I'm excited about that. I'm looking forward to snuggling this little guy and if he is anything like Dan he will be the sweetest little blue-eyed blonde boy in the world and I love him so much already.
On Saturday we purchased our first item for the baby, his first buddy, a sweet little elephant that I named BB, for baby boy. I took a snugly nap so that BB will smell like me and be a comfort friend for the baby when he arrives.
Baby boys are a lot of fun! :) I do remember really wanting a girl the second time around and being baffled that we were having another boy. But I can say that I wouldn't have it any other way. These two little boys are such a joy! Being a boy-mom is fun and I hear it's only going to get better! Congratulations to you & Dan!
ReplyDeleteIt's okay to have those emotions. You're not the only one. I have one daughter and two sons. They're 17, 18, and 23 yoa now. I can say that it was much easier to raise both boys.
ReplyDelete