What's in a name? And why I changed mine

I love my maiden name.  It's certainly unique, albeit a tongue twister, it's a conversation starter, and it's special to me.  It connects me to my Dad's side of the family in a way that I always loved.  I felt pride when we would go to Iowa for family reunions or to visit relatives and I could be confident in being a Schmeling.   Some others there had different last names (but they were just as much a Schmeling - I was a silly possessive kid what can I say?).  Anyways, I like being a Schmeling so it was a little bit sad on Monday when I took the day off of work to legally change my last name to my new married name, Johnson.

The decision to change my name wasn't even really a decision. I always knew I would take my husband's name. When I was growing-up many people assumed that my parents were divorced because my mom had a different last name.   My mom chose to keep her maiden name for lots of reasons (which I support), the primary one being that she was just starting her career as an artist and had already established her name.  Also it was the 1970s and female independence was all the rage.  Anyways, as a kid I didn't care about the reasoning, all I knew was that people thought my parents were divorced and that always confused and hurt me.  I told myself back then that I would change my name to save my kids from that question.  Well I'm older now and I'm not so concerned what people think about the martial status of my parents but if you're wondering see here.  Nevertheless, I can't betray my seven-year-old self and break my vow to change my name, right?  

Many women nowadays staunchly refuse to change their names because they feel it perpetuates patriarchy.  For me the choice has nothing to do with exerting my femininity it's about tying myself to my husband in as many ways as possible.   One, I want the Johnson family and all of Dan's family for that matter to know that I feel tied to them now too.  I want to be able to take pride in being a Johnson just as I do when I'm around my Schmeling roots.  Two, I didn't pick to marry Dan because he had an awesome last name (or ordinary name, really) so why would I be picky about changing it?  To me it's like saying I'll take your eyes but I won't take your hair.  I'll take you but I won't take your family.  I'll take your love but I won't take your name.  Three, I like tradition.  I'm not your fist pumping feminist (nothing wrong with that) but I don't feel like I'm taking a step backwards for female advancement in society by taking his name.  And finally, even in death, I want to be connected to my husband and in some ways that can only be done by taking his name.  And I'm good with that. 

So I'm a Johnson now but I'm keeping my Schmeling at heart.

Something kind of cool that I discovered while doing the whole name change processes is how much more it made marriage feel real to me.  There is so much involved in changing your name and it's not an easy task.  I had to take the day off of work - go to the Social Security office - wait at the DMV - go to the bank.  At all three places I had to submit proof that I was married, I had to fill out forms, I had to pay money.  At work I had to coordinate with HR so that my name would be changed on all my benefits.  I had to change my beneficiary on my life insurance and my retirement plan.  The whole thing was quite intense and not something I'm interested in repeating which is good because as far as I'm concerned I'll be a Johnson for the rest of my life.  The only thing now is I just have to get used to the new signature! 

I was practicing while waiting at the DMV