Counseling

Stephanie and Dan both contributed to this post

So Stephanie and I have been going to see a couples counselor for nearly two months now and we decided we wanted rip down that curtain of privacy and share the benefits we have enjoyed and encourage others to consider it as well.

Both Stephanie and I have previously done some individual counseling (before we were together) and Stephanie has also done group counseling in the past.  It can be difficult to make the decision for yourself to seek outside help.  Society pushes us to be self reliant and tough.  We hold our struggles close and keep others out.  Many people in counseling are made to feel they are weak and even selfish for seeking help.  That stigma is a shame.  Life wasn't meant to be lived alone and talking with a trained professional outside of your direct circle is incredibly beneficial.   Overall, Steph and I are both huge supporters of counseling.

We are advocates of counseling because it gives you the freedom to speak to someone outside your environment who is trained to really listen.  The counselor is normally someone who asks good questions and pushes you to think and dig deeper.  They don't tell you what you want to hear but they tell you what you need to hear, and that makes a huge difference in working through issues.  It is a choice to go to counseling.  It is a choice to work on things and figure things out.  It is a choice to not keep doing the same thing over and over, relying on yourself but to be willing to change and reach out.  Finally, it is an investment in yourself and your relationships, not just to your partner.  As a couple it is an investment in each other and continued hope for a successful life together.

Steph and I did premarital counseling and worked through a couples workbook to help prepare us for married life.  We enjoyed it and learned a lot but nothing can really prepare you for all the intricacies of marriage.  We aren't going to get into the nitty gritty details of our experience in returning to counseling just yet but wanted to say that after a year of going it on our own, and doing fairly well, we both recognized the benefits of bringing someone else in.

Now, every week we look forward to Thursday nights.  We meet after work at Grand Central terminal and have dinner together, like a little date.  And then we meet with our counselor, Victoria.  She is a cheerleader for us and helps us have hard conversations in a safe and healthy way.  She is helping us to see the different areas we need to work on individually and as a couple.  Victoria is also a believer and is willing to incorporate faith and beliefs into our discussions.  This is such a blessing!  In just two months we've seen improvements and are super excited for the future.

At our first session, after we outlined our thoughts on what we wanted to work on, Victoria told us that we were an extremely viable couple.  By this she explained that we had recognized a need for help and acted on it when there was time and room left in our relationship to receive it.  She said the majority of couples turn to counseling as a last resort effort and by that point there isn't much another person can do to help save the relationship.  So don't delay!  Even if you feel like things are going well and life is grand, it doesn't hurt to get some help to guarantee that paradise lasts a lifetime.

Both of us are more than willing to talk and answer questions about our counseling experiences (both personal and couples) and offer tips on finding a good fit.  Please leave a comment below or email Stephanie directly (stephanie dot schmeling at gmail dot com).  Counseling can be expensive and most insurances don't cover it but don't let that discourage you.  Many providers offer reduced or sliding scale prices based on income.  Without asking you'll never know.  It is a pinch to budget for it but like we already mentioned, it's an important investment. 

And if after reading this post you are thinking "uh oh, hope they are okay," rest assured we are great.  In fact our relationships is probably the best it's ever been.  Do we have work to do? Of course! but we are confident we are on the right track.