Excited Enough?

Lately when people ask me how wedding planning is going I say "oh good, we're pretty much done."  And I leave it at that.  I guess people expect me to jump up and down, flip some cartwheels, and shoot off fireworks...because the response recently has been "why aren't you more excited?" or "aren't you excited?" or "isn't this exciting, why aren't you happier?"   These statements frustrate me.  One, because the way I display my excitement is likely different than you.  Two, just because I'm not running down the halls shouting doesn't mean I'm not excited.  Three, not everyone likes to talk about themselves.  And four, most importantly, perhaps I'm not sharing because I don't really want to hear judgements.

Last week there was a small after work outing which I attended out of obligation and surprisingly enjoyed for the most part. Except when the conversation turned to me and people started asking about the wedding.  I politely told everyone the date and where it would be.   I told them about my dress when they asked and tried my best to explain what we are/are not doing for a honeymoon.  I didn't elaborate much because I felt like for everything I said there were two questions or replies that made me feel like our choices were inferior or not sufficient.

The dress for example...I'm just going to start telling people it is from an online boutique because I don't want anymore raised eyebrows when I tell them the story.  Also, I wanted a short dress.  When I say I want a short dress (and it's not like a mini skirt, people) don't look at me and say "why wouldn't you get a long dress?"  What do you want me to say?  If you want the wedding store experience and the trying on in front of everyone with a wall of mirrors you go for it!  I didn't want that.  I got what I wanted and I'm happy.

I just feel like I have to defend all of our choices to people.  I don't want a lecture about why it's important to take a honeymoon (from my boss no less).  We are taking a honeymoon.  It's a homey-moon where we stay at home and set-up our apartment and begin to build our lives together. That is exciting to me!  We'll watch movies, and go out to eat, and relax, and enjoy not being around other people, and not emptying our bank accounts and energy running around Hawaii or London.  If your honeymoon involved world traveling-- awesome for you, I hope you had a nice time.  That doesn't mean that same experience is required for everyone else.

When I felt judged by our honeymoon plans I mentioned that we are planning a couple of days and one night thing somewhere on the beach like Cape May.  As soon as I said that I got a barrage of talk about why that's too expensive or too far or too Victorian followed-up by suggestions for better places to go...

It was exhausting and defeating. So excuse me for not appearing "excited enough." 

Just to remind you all, I'm trying to live my mantra to Be Your Own Rainbow but it is hard because I like people to like me and I like them to like my choices.  That makes it hard to be confident in what I do and say when I feel or perceive that other people disagree.  It's silly, I know, but when I walk down the aisle I'm terrified I'll be thinking about what people are saying in their heads instead of being able to focus on my man at the end of the aisle and being happy that it's our wedding day.

So I'm sorry if you can't tell my rainbow is pretty exited.  Trust me, it is.  I'm excited to be almost done with this planning.  To be almost done with a world of opinions.  To be done with answering for our choices.  I'm over the moon excited to be getting a new apartment and beyond belief excited to be starting a life together with Dan.  See that rainbow?  It's pretty awesome, it has sparkles in the colors and shooting stars from the ends. 

These rainbows eat ice cream out of the carton...that's pretty exciting