Check-up: 3 Years

Yesterday Dan and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary!!! It was really anticlimactic, as I expected, since everything is about the baby now.  We were unable to do our anniversary tradition of a Jersey shore beach vacation this year but Kippy is a pretty fine reason to miss out on that. We were able to go out for a quick dinner date to Tanoreen (which Dan secretly planned) while Mandy handled the witching hour. Gosh, we are so grateful she is here. Truly saving my sanity. Also, she took this little photo of us on our special day.

We're having fun being new parents but still adjusting to life with three (third anniversary, family of three, three week old baby).

But anyways, every 6 months Dan and I do these little relationship check-ups (we answer separately so similarities are coincidental). Super fun to look back on answers.

See our previous check-ups here:
6 months
1 year
18 months
2 years
2 1/2 years

3 years

1) What is your favorite memory of the last six months?

Dan: Getting to meet Kippy
Steph: Obviously, getting to help pull Kippy out during his delivery

2) What is your favorite part of married life so far?

Dan: Having a friend/partner who is willing to go up every mountain and down every valley with me
Steph: Learning how to be a family of three

3) Something you weren't expecting about married life.

Dan: How fast 9 months can go by
Steph: How a baby really changed our relationship, in a good way

4) Something you are pleasantly surprised by about married life.

Dan: How the last three years prepared us for our current life as parents. We make a good team.
Steph: How the strength of our relationship before Kippy really helped us transition as parents

5) Something you didn't know about your partner before marriage.

Dan: I didn't expect you to crave sour cream or McDonald's so much during the pregnancy
Steph: He really does know how to hold a baby

6) Something to to work on.

Dan: Making sure we schedule time for just the two of us
Steph: Communicating my needs about helping with Kip

7) Something to look forward to.

Dan: Christmas traditions with Kip
Steph: Holidays with a baby!

8) Favorite thing about your partner right now.

Dan: Your strength during the pregnancy and as a new mom
Steph: Watching you bond with Kippy

The First 48

Just a little recap of Kippy's first 48 hours of life. It was such an emotional rollercoaster for me those first two days and while I can't say I'd want to relive them, I do want to remember the experience because it was my first taste of what parenthood is like and will be like. Joy and fear all swirled together.

Day One 

After Kippy was born, I got to hold him on my chest for a good bit of time before they cleaned him up and did all his measurements. We tried breastfeeding which was unsuccessful, but we tried. I wasn't discouraged by that, just grateful he was well enough that I got to be with him so long so soon after delivery.

I felt totally liberated when they finally took the fetal monitors off and took the stupid IV port out. And I was SHOCKED at how nearly all my uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms were instantly gone. I assumed it took weeks for things to fade, but no. Acid reflux, lower back and tailbone pain, face swelling, everything was just gone! Of course I didn't exactly feel like running a marathon and I still have a bump, but it was wonderful to be able to turn over in bed without too much effort.

My parents were able to come back to the delivery room pretty soon after Kip was born and it was all a big mix of joy and shock and total love. Dan's boss and coworker came in unexpectedly (Kip's only non-family visitors) and we received a lovely bouquet of flowers from Auntie Jessy!

Kippy and I got to do some skin to skin and then they took him to the nursery to get checked out and all bundled-up cute in his hospital blanket and hat. I was so surprised by how tiny he was. You know I was expecting a beast baby based on all the ultrasound predictions indicating he would be well over 8 pounds. But he was just a tiny, but tall, little guy and with a perfectly round head and bright pink skin.

My first meal post-delivery was a bacon grilled cheese sandwich from Melt, down the block and it was heavenly. I didn't take a picture because I inhaled it.

By mid-afternoon we were wheeled down the hall to my recovery room. The maternity ward was SO crowded that all the private rooms were occupied and wait listed. We had decided ahead of time that if I delivered early in the day that it would be ok to have a shared room since I would have Dan with me all day. If I delivered late then we would pay for a private room. Well, we didn't even get the choice to have a private room. So I shared a room about two times smaller than the delivery room. My bed was literally 5 inches from the closet sized bathroom (toilet, no shower) and about two feet away from my roommate's bed. I only saw my roommate a few times and we never really talked, just had a thin curtain dividing the four of us. Two new moms and two new babes.

My parents, Dan, and Mandy stayed a good bit of the day and passed Kippy around and brought me lots of food from outside the hospital.

Super funny, and ironic, the hospital brought around the dinner trays and it was meatloaf and mashed potatoes which is the ONLY meal I had an aversion to during the pregnancy. I ate none of it because, gross. I took a picture though because I thought it was really funny that my first post-delivery meal offered was the LAST thing I would choose to eat.

After visiting hours were over, I was left alone with Kippy. They have a rooming-in policy at the hospital so that means that babies stay with the moms but for some reason my roommate got to have her baby go to the nursery for several hours. I didn't sleep. I watched Kip and attempted to breastfeed him, unsuccessfully. The night nurse, Nori, was really sweet and tried to help but we couldn't get him latched and she said babies aren't very hungry their first night. I felt terrible for my roommate since Kippy cried most of the night and I couldn't do much to get him calm except let him sleep on my chest which petrified me since I was exhausted and worried I would drop him. At some point in the night I discovered he LOVED to suck on my finger so we bonded over that.

I was thrilled when 8 am rolled around and Mandy and Dan showed up with iced coffee and companionship.

Day Two

Kip had his little circumcision surgery in the morning and I ran down the hall to take a shower while he was away. It was a pretty pathetic shower but I was happy to put some real pjs on instead of the hospital gown.

Here is a tour of my TINY curtained area of the shared room we had. You guys, this is a classic NYC situation. No breathing room. At one point the bassinet of the other baby was literally inches away from me. It was so crowded and hot in there. I hated it.

That afternoon Kippy was so sleepy from his surgery so Dan climbed in the bed with me and we took a family nap together. This was definitely the highlight of the day.

I still couldn't get Kip to breastfeed so we did finger feeding where I hand expressed the milk and put it in his mouth with my finger. Eventually they brought me a pump so I could put the colostrum into a syringe to feed him that way. Sweet little milk mustache.

That night was really hard for me. A really dark place emotionally. I didn't sleep at all. I was super conscious of my roommate and her baby and keeping them awake. Kip was hangry and I couldn't feed him. I worked really hard to pump a few ml and I was so proud of having washed all the pump parts in the tiny sink and cleaned-up my area and had a little meal ready for Kippy in the night.

Around 1 am he woke up and I tried to feed him with the syringe and I pushed too hard and the full contents shot across the room onto the curtain dividing the space. I was devastated and exhausted and just emotionally broke down at that point. The night nurse came in and was trying to calm me down and try breastfeeding again. I was ugly crying and she just took Kip, swaddled him, put him in the bassinet and told me to sleep. She was so sweet to me and told me he would be fine and gave him some formula which he promptly spit-up. I felt so defeated at that point and alone and terrified and mad at myself for not being brave or confident. I think I slept 20 minutes total, the whole night.

It was so hard to sleep at all at the hospital because nurses were coming in and out all night checking blood pressure and temperatures, administering medications, and then orderlies coming in and out to empty the trash or pick-up food trays. The lights were on in our room since my roommate had to see to get to the shared toilet and it was SO hot in there because the curtains around me blocked all the A/C. I missed Dan so much and I felt deep sadness in my heart for single moms. I have so much more respect for them now. They are saints.

When morning finally came and Dan and Mandy showed-up they got to witness my second emotional breakdown as I attempted to breastfeed Kip again, unsuccessfully and then pump. All the nurses had tried to help at this point and the OB on-call and the pediatrician. Unfortunately, both the lactation consultants on staff were on vacation so I was on my own. Not at all what I had planned for our breastfeeding experience.

Even though I was scared out of my mind about going home with Kip and feeling totally unprepared, at the same time I just wanted to get home and get out of the stifling hospital. The night nurse told the day nurse, Mei, about my little emotional breakdown in the night so the day nurse gave me a dose of reality and told me "at least my body was making milk and I could figure out the breastfeeding later." Apparently there was a mom that delivered a few weeks prior who had breast cancer and wasn't able to feed her baby at all because she had to go on chemo immediately after the baby was born. This, of course, made me feel guilty and cry some more but she was right. It was fine, I'd figure it out.

So we waited through all the discharge stuff, the day nurse told me to pull it together, they loaded us up with tons of supplies and a diaper bag filled with things for the baby, Mandy dressed Kippy and got him in the carseat, I got wheeled out in a chair, and Dan drove us home.

And just like that we were on our own. Kippy slept the whole way home. Sweet as can be.

Shark Attack!!

Cute little outfit from Aunt Jessy

Weekending it

Weekends with Kippy are a whole lot different than weekends with just Dan and me.

I've been exclusively pumping (more on that later). It's not what I planned on and honestly it's a lot more work than the baby is at this point but I'm trying to focus on some of the benefits.  Like, being able to leave Kippy with Auntie Mimi for a couple of hours so Dan and I could escape to the beach to finish our summer bucket list and sorta of have a taste of our anniversary tradition of a "beach vacation."

We went to South Beach after feeding Kip and pumping. We got to borrow Mandy's car and zip over there in 15 minutes, dip our toes in the water, play some card games, catch some sunnies, share some one-on-one time, and get back before noon.

What a treat! Thanks Mandy!

Mandy hung out with us the rest of the afternoon and we rented a movie and went for a long walk to get Italian ice.

Kippy had a terrible night of fussiness on Saturday so although I had really hoped to get to church on Sunday, I felt like it would be better to just stay home and keep his day mellow. Dan had to serve so it was just me and Kip yesterday.

We had one visitor and a friend brought over dinner. Dan and I were able to relax and watch a show during Kippy's evening nap and the two of us are starting to get used to this new life as a family of three.

Peeks from the Week

These peeks posts are about to get a whole lot cuter now that Kippy is here!!!

This was our first week home without family visitors. It was also Mandy's first week as nanny two days a week. Since I'm home on leave right now we get to tag-team on her "work" days which is really fun!

Dan and I gave Kip his first bath on Monday! He hated it.

Two-week pediatrician visit.  Up 4 oz since birth and 9 oz since the previous week's appointment. This means we don't have to wake him to feed!!!

Kippy hates to have his arms swaddled and prefers to cross them or hold his fisted hands close to his face, especially when he sleeps.

This week we were also working on getting him to sleep on his back in the crib or the pack n play. That was our plan from day one but in that initial newborn haze and desperation to just get some sleep, we let him sleep in the rock n play which is a little cradled seat (what most of the photos show him in). It's a process but last night he slept from 10 pm - 4 am in the pack n play so, we're getting there!!

Mandy and I took him in the car to Buy Buy Baby this morning to get some stuff. He loves the car and the stroller but doesn't love the initial part of being strapped into the seat.

Had to document this cute little ensemble.

Happy Friday!!!!

Kipling Alan - A Birth Story

Last week I shared about the arrival of Kipling, but today, on his two-weeks-old birthday, I wanted to share about his actual birth story. It's not a lovely and romantic post with a beautifully decorated room and hosts of visitors and well wishers. I've read many birth stories online that are composed and "perfect." Our story is like us, unfolding with little control from us, but beautiful in its own way.

Somehow, in the flurry of the day, I had the clarity of mind to keep a short timeline on my phone of how the day progressed. Had I not thought to do that, we would have no documentation of what actually happened because as soon as Kippy was born I forgot everything. Ha! Mom brain is real.

August 9, 2017  

8:15 am - 39 week OB appointment. Dan and I enjoyed one last OB breakfast date at Pret. Man how I miss those special breakfasts now.

8:45 am - We arrived at the hospital and checked-in at the front desk. I got hooked-up to the fetal monitors, not realizing I wouldn't be able to take those stupid monitors off for the next 24+ hours.

10:00 am - After some monitoring and waiting around, since the labor and delivery floor was super crowded, the doctor on-call decided to induce. I waited in triage, hooked to the monitors, until they had a delivery room ready. I inhaled part of the lunch I packed for work knowing that as soon as I got a room I would be on a clear liquid diet until the baby arrived. Dan left to buy me a phone charger and then headed home to meet Mandy to grab the hospital bag.

12:00 pm - I was brought to delivery room 606 around noon and hooked up to an IV and was basically immobile from that point. The room was huge and comfortable and private. There was even a shower in the room which I don't really understand why because once you have the monitors on you can't do anything. I took my 39 week bump photo in the bathroom. I had planned on taking it that morning before I left for work but we were running late and then, well, hospital gown bump photo it is!

12:30 pm - Lunch arrived. Broth, red jello, lemon icee, juice, and tea. This was actually way better than I thought it would be.

12:45 pm - The Physician's Assistant (PA) inserted the Cevidil which is the drug that starts to soften the cervix and takes 12 hours to work so basically I was told to just lay there and relax. Every 20-30 minutes a nurse would come in to make me roll over or move positions to get a better read on the baby. They were pumping me with IV fluid so fast that I had to pee like every 30 minutes which was a hassle since I was hooked up to so many monitors.

While we hung-out, Mandy put together little treat bags for the various nurses and PAs that were coming in and out of the room. I got the idea from Reba and it seemed like everyone was really grateful, particularly because the labor and delivery floor was really busy that day. We also took pictures!

4:30 pm - All afternoon I was trying to get in touch with work to start my maternity leave which resulted in an hour long phone nightmare with the outsourced company charged with handling the leave. I was crying and annoyed but eventually it got worked out. But, still, not something I wanted to deal with while going into labor. Mandy and Dan were with me all day to keep me company and fetch me ice chips and keep me laughing.

5:15 pm - Dinner arrived and I was SO ravenous that I ate it all. So Dan and Mandy went out and got me more broth from a soup shop down the street and smuggled it in for me.

At some point in the early evening I started getting back pain which oddly felt exactly like the pains I had so many years ago before I had my surgery. It wasn't unbearable but it was very uncomfortable and NOT what I expected contractions to feel like so I didn't think they were actually contractions. I'm still not sure they were but I don't know what else they could be.

11:10 pm - The nurse was having me shift in bed again when I felt liquid all over me. I said, "oh, I think my water broke." The nurse insisted I had just wet the bed and then I said "well, I can't stop the stream." She again, insisted, I had just wet the bed. Mandy smelled it and said it was not urine but they didn't check. A little bit later it happened again and a different nurse finally tested it to see that it was in fact my water that broke.

After the water broke, the back pain and discomfort which must have been contractions really started to become intense.

I'm not sure if the pain and the water breaking was something that happened naturally or if it was a result of the Cervidil. Part of me thinks I would have gone into labor that night regardless of being induced but we'll never know for sure.

August 10, 2017 

12:00 am - At midnight the PA checked my cervix and said I was only 1/2 centimeter dilated. Apparently after 12 hours of being on Cervidil if you haven't started to dilate then you have to take a second 12 hour dose (this is why being induced can take days). Fortunately, I was progressing a little so they planned to start the Pitocin after I hit 12 hours (around 2 am).

12:15 am - Although the pain wasn't unbearable, I had said I was planning on getting an epidural so the nurse said it made the most sense to get the epidural then. They cleared the room and the anesthesiologist came in and got me all hooked up. Afterwards, they inserted the catheter which I was really grateful for because the pressure on my bladder was really bad and I was having to pee all the time.

1:00 am - Around 1 am my mom and dad come back to visit. They came straight to the hospital from the airport and had to wait in the waiting area until after they got the epidural hooked-up and the catheter inserted. I was so happy to see them and regret a little that I didn't get a photo with them. They stayed a bit and then headed to our apartment and Dan and I settled down to try and get some sleep.

1:45 am - I was NOT tried and struggled to even rest the whole night. I knew I needed sleep but I was just so wired and excited. I think I dozed but I never fell asleep. It was hard to sleep anyways since the nurses came in every 20 minutes to check things and have me switch the side I was laying on because the baby's heart rate kept fluctuating.

2:30 am - About 12 hours after they started the Cervidil they started the Pitocin via the IV. After that the pain came back little by little until the anesthesiologist came back and "topped off" the epidural. The monitors also started to bother me a lot at this point. The Pitocin makes you itchy and so the straps holding the monitors were so scratchy. I actually took the fork from my dinner tray and was using it to scratch under the straps it was so intense.

5:00 am - Early morning the PA checked to see that I was three centimeters dilated and decided to stop the Pitocin temporarily due to baby's heart rate. I was thrilled to be progressing since everyone had told us it was going to take a LONG time.

6:00 am - About an hour after they turned the Pitocin off, I started feeling a lot of bladder pressure from the baby moving down and since his heart rate improved, they restarted the Pitocin. Shortly after that my catheter fell out which surprised the nurse since apparently it wasn't supposed to move, let alone fall out.

10:00 am - Just after 24 hours of being at the hospital I started feeling more pressure and some pain. I mentioned it casually to the nurse and she said she'd get the PA to check. It took several minutes for the PA to come back but when she checked my cervix she said, sort of alarmed, "Oh! there's the head, you're 10 centimeters dilated. This is my shocked and already exhausted face!! I progressed from 3 cm to 10 cm in only 5 hours.

11:00 am - They shut off the Pitocin immediately and called the doctor which took a bit of time for her to arrive (remember it was really busy). It wasn't my regular OB who delivered and I'm still not sure why. It was a doctor in the same practice who I had only met once. She was nice and encouraging and explained how she wanted me to push and what was happening and then within a half hour Kippy arrived!! It was so fast and not like anything I expected. Dan and Mandy were there and Mandy took pictures the whole time and I was even able to reach down and help pull Kippy onto my chest. 

I'm not going to share any of the gory photos but it was a beautifully ugly experience. It wasn't as painful and it wasn't as scary as I imagined labor would be. My body took over and in a few sets of pushes he was here in our arms. I didn't even have time to take my gown off. I used absolutely NONE of the tips or skills we "learned" in our birthing classes. Ha!

Dan, me and Mandy were all crying when he came out. Beautiful and perfect.

I'm looking at my baby now, just two weeks old and still so tiny but already so different from his first moments of life. Motherhood is HARD and in that second when they put him on my chest, I felt a love so deep I have nothing else to compare it to. I imagine it is the love that God feels towards us, something I had never really considered before. I hope in the hard moments ahead I can remember those first few seconds and treasure the gift that Kipling is to me. The miracle of life that God chose to give to us.