Show and Tell Tuesday: Our Story

Today's Show and Tell Tuesday link-up with Andrea is how you met your mate!  All our most loyal followers know the story of our engagement.  Read it again back here.

But most people don't know the background about how Dan and I met.  I'm glad to have the opportunity to share that story now.  Bonus!  It includes select portions from my crazy girl journal. Here we go!

Back in January 2010 I made it my New Years Resolution to find a local church.  I had moved to Brooklyn in September and had been so caught up in adjusting to the city and starting grad school that I put the whole church thing out of my mind.  In January I decided to stop being lazy and do it.  I Googled local churches in Bay Ridge and got two choices that were within walking distance from my apartment.  Crossroads was the second church I visited and I haven't left since.

The first week I visited I got there early (of course) and I was sitting in the auditorium all alone (our church meets at a local high school).  Once the service started a young cute blonde guy sat two rows in front of me with two teenage boys next to him.  Now, I love me some blonde hair and so sitting behind this head was totally distracting and I have no clue what the sermon was about.  He was wearing a t-shirt and KU Jayhawks pajama pants.  I found that weird but then I determined that it was some sort of youth pajama day because the teens next to him were also wearing pjs.

Over the course of the next week I slowly pieced together that the cute blonde was the youth pastor and his name was Dan and he was the leader of a small group and he was from Kansas.  I kind of internet stalked him. A few weeks later I was invited to a Taco Party with his small group.  When I arrived at the party (early again) that was the first time I officially met him.  We didn't really interact that night at all except the whole group played musical chairs and he sort of sat on my lap. 

Guys, I'll spare you all the crazy crush details (I have an expansive and detailed memory and an excessively dramatic journal from this time: see above).  Basically I was totally into the guy.  Mandy (my twin sister) even repeatedly told me "don't get all fatal attraction."  I couldn't help it I just liked everything about him and who he was an how nice and sweet and handsome he was (and still is).  Over the next two years we became friends.  He briefly dated another girl at church.  Other girls at church had crushes on him.  It was complicated.  I started helping him in the youth group.

Youth Group Halloween party

Youth Group camping trip

I joined his small group, I went to every event he was likely to attend because I liked being around him.  In the end I made a lot of great friends that I wouldn't have if I hadn't been so interested.   

Church picnic

Small Group camping

Small Group bowling

I saved every email he ever sent.  I sent him encouraging cards in the mail.  I stored away every detail I observed of his likes and dislikes.  I yelled about how annoyed I was that things were taking so long (see entry below) and mostly I begged and pleaded to God as I not-so-subtlety tried to seduce Dan.

See that pathetic bit at the end?  "I doubt it crossed his mind so I ate an entire bag of chips.  Woot!"  Ugh, the drama...

I fully admit all this sounds craaazzy! In my world I was painfully obvious.  In Dan's world I was nothing.  Even if you ask him today, at the time he perceived none of my actions as anything out of the ordinary.  My journal and my mother can attest to the amount of frustration this caused me.   In hindsight it all makes sense.

In October of 2011 Dan was at my apartment and we were doing lesson planning for the youth Sunday school class.  At the end of the meeting he said he needed to ask me something and proceeded to say that people had told him that they felt like he was leading me on.  He wanted to make sure I didn't have any expectations because he didn't like me as more than a friend.  Then he asked me if I liked him as more than a friend.  And I lied.  Because why would I admit to my attraction after he had just told me he had none for me!  What choice did I have?

I was entirely crushed, angry, and deeply hurt.  I resolved that night to put it all away.  Give up and move on.  Every amount of self-convincing I had done to believe that God led me to NYC and to Bay Ridge and to Crossroads for the sole purpose of uniting me with my soul mate was gone.  Apparently I had been wrong.

Between October of 2011 and the fall of 2012 I tried everything to get Dan out of my mind.  I limited my efforts with the youth group to stop trying to impress him.  I deleted emails.  In my journal I cursed at myself for being so stupid.  I thought about leaving small group.  I even seriously considered looking for a new church because I couldn't bear to be around Dan.  But Crossroads was so much more than just Dan for me and I didn't want to leave real friends or the community I felt a part of. 

I picked at everything that annoyed me about Dan and I inflated it in my mind as reasons why he would be a terrible partner and why he was a worthless human being (harsh, I know, but what else could I do?).  None of these ever truly convinced me but it was the only way I could try to get over him.  He had definitely become an idol in my mind and I let my affection for him get in the way of what God wanted for me and ultimately for us. 

Over Labor Day weekend in 2012 I went on a church retreat with other leaders (Dan was there).  I made up my mind that weekend that I would somehow figure out how to quit the youth group and leave Dan's small group in order to distance myself from him as much as possible.  If that didn't work I would leave Crossroads for good.

This was at the retreat.  Dan is sitting on the far right back row and I am in the middle row

But, later that week Dan wanted to meet me for ice cream and to debrief the youth camping trip from August.  I was annoyed by this because throughout the summer Dan had started doing subtle things that really confused me and totally almost derailed my efforts to hate him. 

Want to know what happened at the ice cream "date" ???  Read that way back here.

It was a long and hard journey for me but looking back the struggle was tough but so worth the wait.  I treasure Dan so much more now than I think I would if our love story had been an easy and perfect tale.