Rewind

I kind of wish we had started this sooner or I had documented better in other ways our first 14 months together.  I've never been very good at keeping a consistent journal or caught the scrap-booking bug.  But one thing I have tried to do is copy down "sweet texts," take screenshots of some of the ecards, and gather keepsakes from special places.  Of course there are always pictures and the many tiny details I capture in my mind!  All of these will help string together special moments I hope we remember for a long time. 

So these first posts will be like hitting the speed rewind button on the remote and recalling a few tid-bits from the beginning.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

We met at Coldstone to "debrief" the youth camping trip.  I remember what I was wearing...you ordered pecans and rainbow sprinkles for your mix-ins...we chatted about the camping trip and a few other church things.  Just a normal meeting.

Then, when I started to grab my bag to go, you pulled out a piece of paper and placed it on the table and nervously said: "I have one more thing to talk about..."

"Stephanie, I like you."

My heart started pounding.  I remember I had to put my elbows on the table to attempt to cover my mouth and hide my smile as you listed off the things you were looking for in someone and wondered if I wanted to date.  I was a mix of happy, confused, worried, and excited.  How long and how much had I prayed that you would notice me? How many tears and disappointments had I swallowed when I tried so hard to give up hope of something happening?  How did I convince myself I had moved on but knowing my raisin heart would always belong to you?

In the moment, I bumbled along attempting to explain how I felt.  I was confused.   How or why had you changed from the previous fall when you told me you didn't like me more than a friend?  I was happy.  Could a dream like this really come true?  I was worried.  Well, because I worry, and I was thinking about all the things that could go wrong and anxious about what people would think.  I saw the disappointment in your eyes when I said I needed to think about it.

I called Mandy immediately after we separated from that awkward walk from Coldstone.  She told me I would regret if  I didn't try to date you.  The next couple of days I wrote lists about pros and cons.  I prayed.  I worried.  I dreamed.  I tried to make the choice with my head and not my heart but it felt so impossible.  I was a bundle of nerves before our follow-up chat the following Sunday when we agreed the choice would be made...(and that story for a later post)!

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P.S. A couple of months after that Coldstone chat I found that typed paper you had put on the table.  I swiped it because I knew you had forgotten about it and I wanted to keep it because it captured so much of the moment, Dan grammar and all :o).