The Big Bed Transition

I think as recent as this summer I told someone that we intended to keep Kip in his crib for as long as possible. Assuming he wasn't attempting to climb out of it, he could stay in his crib until Kindergarten.

But...then, things change.

When we found out we were expecting we started thinking about how to change Kip's room to prepare it to be shared. Although we have no expectations of having the baby in Kip's room until she is at least 6 months, we still wanted to get the room ready. We decided to get rid of the full-sized futon in the room since we weren't really using it and I liked the idea of getting a twin-sized bed instead of a toddler bed so Kip only needed to transition once. I figured we could get the bed and Kip could get used to it in his space and then start sleeping in it when he was ready.

Around the time of our holiday traveling this past fall, Kip's sleep started getting irregular. This was unusual behavior for him since he has always been insanely easy to put to bed and almost always slept through the night. He loves sleep and we typically would rock him for a song or two and then lay him in the crib (awake) and leave. 6 pm - 6 am standard. We got spoiled. But then this fall he started taking a long time to fall asleep. He insisted that Dan or I lay in his room with him after putting him down. Then he started throwing all the contents of his crib out onto the floor (stuffed animals, blanket, pillow, pacifiers) and screaming until one of us came into the room. He would continue this tossing act until we stayed in the room. Then he started doing this in the middle of the night, repeatedly. It was especially bad on nights when I had to put him to sleep because he demands the most from me whereas with Dan and Mandy he gave them less trouble.

Maybe it was the travel. Maybe it was just a developmental shift. Maybe he was scared. Or...maybe he was just being manipulative? It wasn't just a once or twice thing. It started happening constantly. We considered shifting bedtime but that didn't change anything. There were some occasions when I would watch him in the monitor and it looked like he was trying to climb out of the crib head first. It was getting chaotic and stressful and not improving even after we finished our holiday travels and gave him time to readjust.

Over Christmas I was texting a new friend that lives in our building. She mentioned her partner was moving out and wanted to know how we arranged Kip's room to fit a crib and a futon. I sent her photos and then asked her if she was maybe interested in having out futon since we'd been trying to get rid of it for months. She was!! So at the beginning of January, Dan disassembled the futon and took it up to her apartment.

Since the futon was gone and Kip was still protesting sleep, we decided to just get the twin bed and see what he thought of it. My initial plan was to just let him get used to it in his room, and then let him choose to sleep in it at his own pace. We would always have the crib in the room if that's what he wanted. I didn't want him to feel like he was kicked out of that comfort space especially since the baby would eventually take it over. Basically, I wanted a long and slow transition.

Mandy and Dan went to IKEA the second weekend in January and set-up Kip's new twin day bed. We went with this option because it had storage drawers and the day bed style felt like close to a crib with three sides enclosed. We got it all set-up and Kip was very excited and curious about it.

We got a side rail and set-up the OK to Wake clock he got from Grandma and Grandpa for Christmas. We talked about how big he was and were all overly enthusiastic about the bed. He loved climbing in it and loved being able to look out the window.

Then the following week (Friday) Mandy decided to try and get Kip to sleep in the bed at night. Dan and I were out on a date and she just put him to sleep in the bed and laid next to him until he fell asleep. I think that first night he slept in there until around 4 am and then Mandy put him back in the crib.

The next day (Saturday) he took his nap in the crib for the last time (although I didn't know that at the time and I wish I had treasured that milestone). That night I put him to bed and laid next to him until he fell asleep. I was worried my laying with him would start a bad habit but we'd heard from several people that when you move them to a bed you kind of have to stay in the room until they are asleep otherwise they will just keep getting up.

Somehow over that first weekend the plan shifted from letting Kip decide if he wanted to sleep in the bed or the crib to a hard and fast bed-only approach. This was Mandy's idea. Now, Dan and I rely on Mandy for a lot of child-raising advice. She has nannied 6 boys ages birth through five and she has seen the bed transition before. She said we needed to be consistent and we couldn't let Kip waffle back and forth and create more scenarios for manipulation. So that first Monday, I put Kip down for his nap in the bed and he slept peacefully for two hours.

That night he went down fine but then woke up several times and eventually ended up in our bed at 5 am. That next morning he had a fever. Mandy said we couldn't regress because he was sick. It was SO HARD but those first few nights we stayed with him until he fell asleep and then any time he got up in the night I would end up back in his bed. We moved the crib mattress so it looked like it was "broken" and told Kip he had to sleep in the bed.

He did his tossing act with all his stuffies and pillows and pacifiers and was waking in the night multiple times and taking HOURS to fall back asleep. There were three nights in a row where I was in his room with him, laying right next to him, while we both were awake from 2 am - 4 am. It was like the newborn zombie days and being pregnant on top and going to work every morning was even more exhausting.

I didn't want to quit and I didn't want to disappoint Mandy and I also knew that consistency was key. A slow transition just wasn't going to work. Naps were going fine in the bed and even getting him to fall asleep in the bed was going okay but night time wakings were tough. There was a flurry of frustrated and sleep-deprived texts between Mandy and I on Thursday of that first week (Kip hadn't even been in the bed for 7 nights yet). Mandy decided she would come over that night and lay down the law. Her plan was to put Kip to bed and then get up with him every time he did and redirect him back to the bed. He listens to her so much better than he does to me (ugh, mom) and she is far less easily manipulated. Plus she wasn't sleep deprived. That night she put this sign on the door to Kip's room for her "script."

Her plan was to sit outside the door if necessary and refuse his requests for someone to lay with him. She didn't have to do either because Kip slept through the night that first night. And then the next night. And then the next night. We got a new monitor to see around his room better and to get a full view of his bed.

P.S. that temp on the monitor is wrong. It is COLD in Kip's room, especially by that window.

By Sunday night (9 days into the transition), Mandy went home and I put Kip to bed. I only stayed in the room for a minute or two and I didn't lay with him, only sat in the rocking chair nearby. When he woke in the night we would take him back to his bed and tell him he couldn't get up until his OK to Wake clock lights-up green at 6:00 am.

It's now been almost three weeks since he last slept in his crib and I think we made it through the worst of it. He will occasionally squawk in the night and cry for a paci or want to be tucked-in but he was doing that in the crib too. The biggest success is that he does STAY in the bed all night. He might not be sleeping the entire time but he doesn't get out of bed until his green clock goes off and then as soon as it does he wanders into our room. I was not expecting him to really understand the clock but it totally works.

I realize he will probably never be as easy to put down or as easy to stay asleep as he was in his crib, but it does feel good to have him transitioned before the baby comes. He doesn't even acknowledge the crib anymore and he goes to lay in his bed all the time throughout the day. I think he really does love it.

Now, onward to potty training!!