On dreams and babies

I've mentioned before that I'm a stress dreamer.  I process a lot of my anxieties in the dream-state.  It's actually helpful because when I have to encounter the anxiety in real life I'm able to deal with it pretty well because I feel like I had a dry-run in dream world.  Usually the anxiety in the dream-state is excessively ridiculous and that helps too because in real life I'm able to say "this isn't so bad, remember that dream was way worse and you managed in that situation."

Well, a few nights ago (or morning really) I had a dream that I had a baby.  She was a cute baby girl who I delivered with extreme ease at only four months development.  Yeah, remember, it's a dream.  So Dan and I were shocked to basically sneeze out a fully grown baby and leave the hospital immediately.  In the dream we seemed to know we were pregnant but were not phased that the baby was delivered at four months.  So we leave the hospital and I'm worried because we have nothing prepared.  No bottles, no diapers, no clothes, no name.  In the dream I said to Dan, it's okay we can go to Baby Gap tomorrow after work (what?).  The nurse gave us one bottle, and in the dream I was confident that would last us until I could go buy a gallon of milk (again, what?).  In the dream I was also entirely opposed to breastfeeding the baby.  I remember looking down at my chest and saying "yeah those don't produce milk."

The newborn child was quite large and was very squirmy.  She rolled over in my arms and some how managed to consume a handful of corn flakes (where that came from, I'm not sure).  People, this dream was weird.  I freaked out because newborns can't eat solids so I started scooping the corn flakes from the baby's mouth.  Suddenly the nurse appeared, even though we were at our apartment, and she said "good job!"  Throughout the entire dream I kept saying to Dan "is this a dream? do we  really have a baby?" His response was always, "yes, this is real.  it isn't a dream."

I was really glad to finally wake-up from that nightmare, but I keep thinking about it several days later.   That dream basically revealed a major anxiety that I didn't even know I had and I've been stressing about it ever since.   I'm actually really afraid of becoming pregnant.  I've always been 100% confident that I want to be a mom and I remain 100% confident that a mom is what I will be and what God want's for me.  But when I think about actually being pregnant and actually having a baby I'm really unsure about that whole thing.

When I am around friends and coworkers who are pregnant I think, "wait, how did you do that??" Followed by, "well they figured it out, I'm sure I can figure it out." But then I think "no, you're clueless." Also, it's nothing like sex-ed from high school.  Its' not as simple as one boy and one girl - at least not for Dan and me.

I should have clarified from the beginning of this post.  I am NOT pregnant.  We are not even remotely close and therein is the root of the anxiety.  I'm afraid of becoming pregnant because somewhere down deep I know we won't become pregnant.