Vows and the importance of snuggling

I'm a snuggler by nature.  Loved to snuggle with my family, had like 9 million stuffed animals on my bed as a kid, needed lots of blankets and pillows on my bed in college, crave crevices and nooks in sleeping arrangements.  The warm embrace of a tight and genuine hug means a lot to me.  Security, acceptance, love.  When Dan and I were dating I had to teach him how to snuggle but it was in his nature too and he caught on quickly.  Since that point, I have always felt like I "fit" into his embrace like a puzzle piece.  In this way, platonic touch intimacy formed a huge foundation for our relationship.

When we wrote our wedding vows we added a bit about snuggling one another.  We had our pastor at the time review them and he told us to remove the word snuggle because it was inappropriate in the vows - that it didn't relate to a lifelong commitment.  We thought about it.  We waffled, I mean we're people pleasers and I didn't want anyone to think of us in a weird way or to suggest our vows didn't mean anything or were inappropriate.  But ultimately we decided to leave the wording the way we wrote it because, as I explained to him, snuggling (or the act of settling into a warm and comfortable position) was really important to us.  Sometimes, because we are introverts, it's hard for us to verbally express ourselves - to show our love and support with words.  If there ever came a point in our marriage when we could not tolerate to be physically near in a nonsexual way, then, yes, we would be breaking our vows.  Our ability to be close and comfortable with one another means just as much as our fidelity.   After all, the opposite of snuggling means "to move away, separate, remove yourself."

Ever since we got married, Dan and I made an effort to re-read our wedding vows on the 30th of every month.  We did a really good job remembering.  We only slipped once - January 30th this year.  That day was awful and everything else crowded into our life and rereading the vows got pushed right out.  Neither of us remembered.  About a week later when I realized we had missed it I was really disappointed and even more mad about the circumstances that boiled over that day and which I blame for our oversight.  As we get closer to the end of February and what marks our 18 month anniversary (if there was such a thing as February 30th), I am thinking a lot about our vows and trying to make sure we remember to read them this month.  But then it occurred to me, despite how yucky this month has been and how much my heart feels weighed down by what has happened, it's the first time that I've recognized just how much we've lived out those vows this month.  We didn't need to repeat them we were doing them.  And let me tell you, snuggling played a big part in that.

[Dan/Stephanie]  God brought us together so that even when there are ups and downs in life, with you I have someone to share them with.  To hold, to laugh, to cry, and to love through all of it.  And I don’t want it any other way.  

Dan, you are a man of God.  My best friend.  A partner who is not only hilarious and handsome but strong and sensitive.  You have taught me how to love others more and how to try and love myself.  To trust in God and to try to let go of insecurities and control.  You mean so much to me that all words seem too small capture it, I need a lifetime to show it.

Stephanie, you are so precious to me.  I love how during the time that I have known you, you have always cared for me, supported me, and loved me even when I have a hard time loving myself.  God has given me someone so special and as God tells us to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength I will love you that same way.  

As your [husband/wife], I promise to support you, encourage you, snuggle you, open my heart to you, and care for you every single day for the rest of our lives.