At work there are oodles of beautifully manicured women. They have fabulous clothes and the most amazing hair. And every day I feel like a frump next to them. I have my own style, I get that, I like it but come on! How do they ALL have such wonderfully smooth and styled hair every single day? And why do none of them seem to have the same shirt sleeve shrinking issue that I do?
Every day I look at blogs of moms that have adorable kids and the most trendy styled homes and posts about epic meals they make for their families. And I crave their lives, their little kids, and their counter space. And every day I dream about having an apartment where the stove isn't next to my bed and there isn't a fresh pile of dog poop on the sidewalk every morning.
Yesterday I got an email from a soon-to-be graduate of the college I went to for undergrad. He is moving to NYC this summer to do Teach for America and wanted advice on apartment hunting. He will be making $50,000 straight out of undergrad and will have his graduate education paid for by the program. Now I know that program has its cons and I'm sure he has challenges ahead, but all I compressed from that email was that this kid will graduate with a BA, already have a job where he will be making more than I do, and get a graduate degree fully funded. Ugh.
If I never looked at the girls at work, never read those mom blogs, never knew what other people make, never compared what I have to others...would I be content? Maybe. If I filter all those things out, I do see that I have a rich life, blessed beyond what I ever imagined possible. So how do I harness that perspective and live in the presence of that gratitude?
You see, I got my prince charming and the rough not-so-easy road that brought me to where I am today would have zipped right past this man if I had picked a different path. A path that was maybe more straight, maybe better funded, and maybe had smooth and shiny hair...maybe.
Dan is everything and more that I hoped for in a man. He is worth more than all the beauty products and cool clothes that would put me on the same level as the girls at work. Time and again I remind myself of how things would have been different if I had gotten a fellowship and had my graduate degree fulled funded. Well for one, I wouldn't have to talk to the people at Fed Loan every week...but for sure I wouldn't have moved to Bay Ridge and therefore I wouldn't have found Crossroads and I definitely wouldn't have given my raisin heart to the man I will soon call husband.
My mom told me once that when you don't get what you want it means God has something better waiting for you. Now that sounds all sweetness and positive and sort of idealistic but you know what? She was right. For everything I hope and dream and crave and envy, I wouldn't trade any of that for Dan, even if it guaranteed more counter space.
I love my crazy, silly, snuggly guy. A life without him is never worth comparing.
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