Hello! We're here. I'm SO behind.
Last week was a bit nutty. Ivy was home sick a lot of the week and my work schedule got out of wack and I've had 0 time this week to catch-up. But, better late than never. Right?
Ivy has recovered, the sun is shining, flowers are beginning to bloom and we may well just make it through winter after all! Look at that!
On Friday evening Kip and I got to attend our third Mother-Son dance together. The theme this year was sock-hop which I thought was pretty fun.
Kip was in a bit of a mood last week, highly sensitive and while he was excited for the dance, I felt like he was starting to experience a bit of those self-conscious stirrings that are typical as a kid starts becoming more aware of peer groups and external expectations. You can't tell from the photos but it was a rocky night.



It actually broke my heart a bit to witness because I could tell he was really struggling with wanting to just go out and do his freestyle dancing but feeling unexpectedly inhibited and not knowing what to do with those feelings. I tried my best to pull him out of the funk and we went up to the DJ table to request his favorite song but he just couldn't get into the energy of the event with any kind of consistency. He would run around and have fun, dance a bit, and then something would throw him off and he'd be moody and tearful again. He kept complaining that he didn't know how to dance to the songs they were playing but the music really wasn't the problem. He just didn't know how to let himself go. Eventually they played his song Neon by One Ok Rock (I had to request the song from the DJ three times) and after that he was is typical self dancing with abandon with his friend until the lights turned on and the event ended.





Overall, Kip and I had a good night but it was a real bittersweet milestone at the same time. Maybe it was a fleeting thing or maybe it was a little step forward in coming of age, either way, I felt a bit helpless in trying to help him cope in that moment. I was always inhibited and self-conscious and hyper aware of how I thought people were seeing me when I was a kid. I didn't feel like I could give Kip advice like "just be yourself" or "ignore them" or "who cares..." I knew I couldn't hear or accept those statements when I was a kid feeling those pangs of insecurity so I just tried to comfort him and not force it.
I don't know if he will want to go to the dance next year. I hope he does but time will tell. For now, I'll treasure the good and uncomfortable memories we shared.